See, the thing is, when i write most of my poetry it is a very fast experience, just flies out of me hits the paper like a Rorschach blot and I forget about it. Then i come back to it forever later and think Damn who wrote that? Then I see my by line and it's like what really? All this is to say that some times I am surprised by what i have forgotten that I have written, that I forget to read my non poetry posts.
There have been some vast changes over the last two years and it is an odd feeling to see my post below about the desire to set an appointment with some sort of mental health practitioner. I never actually got the balls to do that on my own. Not in the proper and expected manner I suppose. Instead at a particularly mediocre point in my life I decided that my best plan of action for having a good time and repairing a laptop was to try to steal a hard drive worth about 50 mucks but priced at 89 from Fry's electronics. 'twas fail extreme. I think i disappointed the pretty boy blonde that was looking for a tussle at the door. I just kinda stood there even though I became aware too late that there were about 7 dudes ready to tango with Jason. I had more than enough cash on hand to pay for the HDD...... wait lets do this right :
Ok so little back story for this event. I have been ingesting Effexor according to my Dr.'s orders for about two years at this point, I have not gone to counseling at all. This is a rather interesting sub topic that I will expand upon in another post, but for now just know that I thought i was doing everything that I was supposed to. I got introspective, I acknowledged some mental Health issues and i was medicated..... I felt like nothing was happening and asked to switch to different meds. In order to facilitate that my doctor and I decided that it was necessary to wean the meds back, which we did. I had no idea what life was going to be off of these meds that i had been on fairly regularly for years. Try to remember the most frustrated unconfident moment you have ever had. Probably a moment as a teenager where in your sexuality or other form of self description was in scrutiny of a bully that you both liked as a friend and wanted dead...... Confused? Good thats the point. My head was not on right it was as if some one just gave me rage. "Hey guy have this" and then boom all hulked out and shit. so not an excellent excuse for deciding to steal a hdd but apparently it was enough background information for me to be accepted into a Mental Health Diversion program.
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